just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You're breaking my sexual little heart