just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3