My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
