he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
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My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?