Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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