Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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