So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
