I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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