You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
