Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My butt remains clenched, sir.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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