we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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