just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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