My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
