Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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