please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
