Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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