babies were throwing up all over the place
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
