Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
