Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
