I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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