He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
