So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize