Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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