is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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