He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
