she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
