then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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