i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
