i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
