i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
