This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just want nice things and good sex
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
