dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
