doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
