Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
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and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
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you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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