there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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