well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
