i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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