I smell stomach acid.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
