i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
