I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
