i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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