there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
