My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
