Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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