If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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