so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
