Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
