Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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