I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
