She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
