look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
