So drunk its hurt
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
