i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
