im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
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If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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