he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
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I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
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You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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