Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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