She's JV to your varsity
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
