They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
bring money and cleavage
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
