my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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