haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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