I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
