On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
