If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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