kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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