just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
