you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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