you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
