he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
